Shameful Witness

     Recently, I've done some thinking about how we treat each other as Christians.  In teaching my children how to share their faith and be like Christ to the world daily, I have discovered that our greatest opportunity to witness to the lost is through the way we treat each other as Christians.  Often we fail at being Christ-like with one another.  We think we are but, through the eyes of the lost we are not.  We sit in church each week and hear we are to be the salt and light to the world, to encourage one another, to offer praise to our God and freely give forgiveness.  Yet, week after week at church, at fellowships, at games, at work, at school, at the park, at the store, at choir practice, at (you fill in the blank), we notice a brother or sister in Christ that is struggling, sad, down, fearful, confused, lonely, unsure, frustrated, angry, crushed, hurt, weary and we do nothing.

A Loving Request from a Foster Family

A Loving Request from a Foster Family

Dear Family and Friends,

     Thank you for loving our family.  Although our family may look a little different from yours please know we desire to be a normal family.  We know that our members may change often and we may not all be the same color but we are still a family.  We understand that it may be difficult at times to watch our struggles; it is hard for us too.  Because we value your care and concern, please lovingly hear what is supportive and what can be hurtful to us.

     First, we are fostering because God has asked us to and we are being obedient to His call.  Know we never know when we will get a call about a child needing a home and we have only hours to prepare for the arrival.  Our family will literally grow within hours and that can be hard.  When we accept children we know very little about their life or them.  They are scared, unsure, and hurting.  We have to learn about their likes, dislikes, fears and joys.   This process takes time and patience.  We will not always get it right and we will get weary.  You can pray for us to have the strength, discernment and creativity we need to make the transition easier.  

     Second, please do not tell us we are being too strict, too easy or spoiling our kids.  Please do not put us down in front of them or criticize them in front of others.   Do not allow others to tell them we are not their parents and they do not belong here.  We are their parents for now and they belong in our family. Please understand that they may not know what love looks like or feels like and they will likely do things to make you angry to see if you will still care. Prove to them that you do!  Do not try to hide their wrong behavior from them. Help them understand what the rules are and what is expected of them.  Please do not feel sorry for them when they are disciplined or give us dirty looks for correcting them.  Therapeutic parenting is different than normal parenting and we have a strategy.  Our kids need to have structured boundaries and firm, consistent rules so they can grow.  They may not always be developmental where they should be and we will have to force them to do things that may seem hard and uncomfortable.  Please encourage and cheer us on during this time because this is often the hardest. 

     Third, when one of our kids is no longer present in our family please do not ignore that they are gone.  It is hurtful when a child leaves or returns home.  We will miss their face, their smile and their voice.  Our family will be grieving even if we never say anything.  We may not always know when a child is leaving and may not have time to prepare.  This can be very hard and painful.   A part of our family is gone and we have to heal.  It is always a loss and we need you to give us room to adjust.  Please do not push us aside or think it doesn’t matter.  We gave our all to this child and now he/she is gone, it matters to us.  Pray for us and the kids. 

     Fourth, please support us and pray for us.  We need your support, hugs, words of encouragement, and love.  We will struggle with what to do, how to handle irrational behaviors, when to give more, when to give less, when to speak up and when to stay quiet.  We will want to quit. We will want to change the way things are.  We will get tired, frustrated, weary and hurt.  Please tell us, “You are a great foster parent,” “You can do it”, “You are making a difference”.  Pray for us to know when to say yes and when to say no to accepting kids.  Pray for us to hold on when we feel like letting go.  Pray for us to keep loving even when our kids push us away.  Pray for us to have the eyes to see that our kids are healing and that we are making progress.  Pray for us to have the courage to say good-bye when that day comes and be able to let go even when we feel our hearts ripping.  Pray for us to cheer on the biological parents and be happy for them to parent their kids again.  Pray for us to see the hope and to feel God’s love.   Lastly, remind us that our God never fails us or our kids.

Love in Christ,

The Murrell Family

Lessons Learned Through Fostering

Lessons Learned Through Fostering

 November 5, 2011:  Today Brittney was so focused on finding something she had misplaced.  She came to me asking  about something, I could not understand the word she used for it so I asked my daughter to help me translate.  Britney asked Hannah “Where's my bi-gle?” I looked to Hannah for clarification.  “She’s looking for her Bible.”   Britney’s face lit up.  So we all began the search for her Bible.  She found it under her bed and raced to show it to me.  “My bi-gle, my bi-gle.  Read me what Jesus said.”  That was her request.  As I tucked her in bed tonight I thought do I seek after God with that kind of persistence and excitement?  Do I long to hear what Jesus has to say and want to know it more than anything else? 

December 8, 2011:  Tonight our table was full, Jackson(15), Hannah (12), Trenton (1), Brittney (2), Davin (11 months), Patrick and myself.  What a sight.  Laughter and chatter filled the room as everyone ate.  I stood back and watched as I realized my quiver was full.  I wonder if this is how God feels when we come to Him, to feast at His table.  How He must celebrate when He looks around and sees His children filled with joy and strength.  What a sight it will be one day when we can make His table full!

September 20, 2012:  Today Savannah is pulling up on anything she could grab to get herself to a standing position.  She is wanting to walk so bad.  She is so independent.  She noticed me and cried out to get my attention.  As I walked over to where she was she reached for my hand, grabbed on and keeping her eyes fixed on my faced stepped on and over  a mound of toys never looking down and never letting go of my hand made her way to my arms.  I held her close and she rested in my embrace.  As I rocked her sleep later today I could not get this image of her trust out of my head.  I started thinking about parallel this trust she had in me is what kind I trust I need to have in my Heavenly Father.  As I cry out to Him and He reaches out to me do I keep my eyes fixed on Him as I step on and over obstacles in my life to get to Him or do I look down to see all the difficulties, disappointments, hurts, and challenges that I have to overcome? 

Lord?  Are you there?

Where are you today Lord?  I look around at your creation, I see the sky with its height so great only You know it, I see the ocean with its vast depths that only You know its true measurements, I hear the bird’s song so unique that only You can understand and recognize it, I see You at work in creation but Lord where are you in my life?  At my address, in my home are you here?  Do you see my worries, my concerns, my struggles, my frustrations, my questions?  Why have you chosen to keep me here?  What is my purpose at this moment and what part does my life have to do with Your creation?  If I did not exist would it make a difference in Your ending?  Are You pleased when You look down at our home address and see the acts that we are engaged in or do You turn away in disappointment?  Lord, where are you today?   Why can’t I hear Your voice leading me or feel Your hand guide me?  I am sure to get lost or lose my way if You do not guide me.  I cannot afford to make any more mistakes, do You not see that?  I have messed up too many times and I am fearful that the grace You have so graciously extended to me is quickly running out.   Can You not just come sit with me for a while Lord?  I need to know from You what You want me to do?  My purpose is so cloudy and need to see clearly what part I play in Your masterpiece.  I do not want to fail You.  I do not want You to regret creating me.  I do not want  to disobey You.  I do not want to miss You at work. 

Lord, where are You wanting my family to go?  Are we even on the right path?  If not, what is our fate?  Have You given up on us?  Are we out of second chances?  If not, will You show us clearly the way which we are to go?  Will You make known to us Your word that says,  “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.”   Gracious God, my family cannot move another step without  Your direction.  God, we are waiting on You, we are looking for You, we are listening for Your voice, we are ready, we are standing with out-stretched arms.  Take our hand and lead us.

Foster Care

Our Beginning

I have always had a love for children and looking back I can see it is a passion that God placed in my heart from the beginning.  As a child I visited an orphanage with my Girls in Action group from church and it was there I met a young boy sitting alone in the corner of the playground.  I do not remember much about what we talked about except that he told me "no one wants me and I don't belong to anyone".  It was hard for me to understand at the time just how sad those words were.  However, they did pierce my heart and I questioned my parents about going back and getting him.  It was much more complicated than that but I never forgot him or what he said that day.  So, as I grew up my love for children grew and whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up the answer was always - a mommy.

After I got married the desire to have kids took root deeper.  Once we decided to expand our family, disappointment and heartache soon descended on our home. Becoming a mommy turned into a science project to put it mildly.  Years of disappointment followed as well as prayers for God to remove my desire to have kids.  But that was not part of God's plan.  After a horrible miscarriage, we welcomed our son, Jackson and two years later, our daughter, Hannah.  Then God closed the door for me to physically have any more babies and I thought I would have to learn to be content with my family of four even though I still had a desire for more.  Despite me not accepting what I could not see, God's plan prevailed and He kept my desire alive.  God put the idea of fostering on my heart and our family talked about it and prayed about it.  We were all commited to giving it a try.  We signed up for classes and here we are four years into the fostering adventure.

To look back now and see how God had made me to have compassion and a love for kids then he took what He designed and put His purpose to work to make me a foster mom is absolutely mind blowing. Fostering has opened  our eyes to so many things.  It is a humbling and life changing experience.  We pray for the kids God wants to place in our home because without Him we could not foster.  Whether we pray or not kids will get removed from homes across the state so I want to be as prepared as I can for the kids that will be placed with our family.  We got our first call to foster on a Wednesday night and I thought I was ready but as the time got close to the kids arriving I found myself doubting that I could do this.  It was nearly 10:30pm when the worker arrived with the girls ( 3 month old and 16 months old).  We instantly went from a family of four to a family of six.  I was surprised how quickly the girls adjusted and fit into our family.  Visits quickly got started and I was able to visit with the parents of the girls.  We shared our stories and I captured as many memories as I could.  Soon, reunification with the mom took place.  She really worked hard and I was glad for her and the girls.  Since then we have had 26 kids in our home all below the age of 5.  Some we have had for over a year, some only a few weeks but mostly we have them over 6 months.  It has not been a easy road parenting someone else's child but knowing that each child deserves love and hope we did what we could.  Letting go when it is time for kids to return can be bittersweet.  We work at preparing for the day they leave and we work to prepare the kids to leave.  We have tried hard to work with all the biological parents of the kids we have fostered but we have discovered that the lifestyle they are use to is the one they quickly return to.  It is greatly discouraging to see.  I feel I have likely learned more lessons from the kids we have fostered than I have taught them and that is a good thing.

Just finishing reading a book by Mark Batterson entitled, In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day.  So, starting this blog and making it public is a Huge lion for me.  I love writing but making my thoughts public is really scary for me.  So here I go on my first lion chasing.  
Living so close to the beach is a great blessing but too often I take it for granite.  I love to sit on the beach and watch the waves.  The ocean can be peacefully calm one day and roaring the next.  We under-estimate the power of water until a storm comes.  Yet God has complete control over every drop and at his command millions of drops of water will stop where He commands. 

"Who enclosed the sea with doors when, bursting forth, it went out from the womb; when I made a cloud its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, and I placed boundaries on  it and set a bolt and doors and I said, 'Thus far you shall come, but no farther; and here shall your proud waves stop?" Job 38:8-11.  

     It is amazing and yet I doubt God so many times that He has my best interest at heart.  As Christians we often feel that we are owed an easier life because we have decided to believe.  But in reality it is often the opposite, God calls us to follow Him into the unknown (for us but not Him).  That is hard because we want control and we want to know details and timelines.  We want to be prepared in every way possible.  But, what God is wanting is for us to walk with Him letting Him lead the way so He can get us to the place where He will get the most glory.  If we can get there on our own knowlege, talents, looks, and abilities then we are not seeking God's best.  He wants to get us to a place where we completely depend on Him.