A Loving Request from a Foster Family
Dear Family and Friends,
Thank you for loving our family. Although our family may look a little
different from yours please know we desire to be a normal family. We know that our members may change often and
we may not all be the same color but we are still a family. We understand that it may be difficult at
times to watch our struggles; it is hard for us too. Because we value your care and concern, please
lovingly hear what is supportive and what can be hurtful to us.
First, we are fostering because God has asked us to and we
are being obedient to His call. Know we
never know when we will get a call about a child needing a home and we have only
hours to prepare for the arrival. Our
family will literally grow within hours and that can be hard. When we accept children we know very little
about their life or them. They are
scared, unsure, and hurting. We have to
learn about their likes, dislikes, fears and joys. This
process takes time and patience. We will
not always get it right and we will get weary.
You can pray for us to have the strength, discernment and creativity we
need to make the transition easier.
Second, please do not tell us we are being too strict, too
easy or spoiling our kids. Please do not
put us down in front of them or criticize them in front of others. Do not
allow others to tell them we are not their parents and they do not belong
here. We are their parents for now and
they belong in our family. Please understand that they may not know what love looks
like or feels like and they will likely do things to make you angry to see if
you will still care. Prove to them that you do!
Do not try to hide their wrong behavior from them. Help them understand
what the rules are and what is expected of them. Please do not feel sorry for them when they
are disciplined or give us dirty looks for correcting them. Therapeutic parenting is different than
normal parenting and we have a strategy.
Our kids need to have structured boundaries and firm, consistent rules so
they can grow. They may not always be
developmental where they should be and we will have to force them to do things
that may seem hard and uncomfortable.
Please encourage and cheer us on during this time because this is often
the hardest.
Third, when one of our kids is no longer present in our
family please do not ignore that they are gone.
It is hurtful when a child leaves or returns home. We will miss their face, their smile and
their voice. Our family will be grieving
even if we never say anything. We may
not always know when a child is leaving and may not have time to prepare. This can be very hard and painful. A part
of our family is gone and we have to heal.
It is always a loss and we need you to give us room to adjust. Please do not push us aside or think it
doesn’t matter. We gave our all to this
child and now he/she is gone, it matters to us.
Pray for us and the kids.
Fourth, please support us and pray for us. We need your support, hugs, words of
encouragement, and love. We will
struggle with what to do, how to handle irrational behaviors, when to give
more, when to give less, when to speak up and when to stay quiet. We will want to quit. We will want to change
the way things are. We will get tired,
frustrated, weary and hurt. Please tell
us, “You are a great foster parent,” “You can do it”, “You are making a
difference”. Pray for us to know when to
say yes and when to say no to accepting kids.
Pray for us to hold on when we feel like letting go. Pray for us to keep loving even when our kids
push us away. Pray for us to have the
eyes to see that our kids are healing and that we are making progress. Pray for us to have the courage to say
good-bye when that day comes and be able to let go even when we feel our hearts
ripping. Pray for us to cheer on the
biological parents and be happy for them to parent their kids again. Pray for us to see the hope and to feel God’s
love. Lastly, remind us that our God
never fails us or our kids.
Love in Christ,
The Murrell Family
